Sunday, August 9, 2009

Kevin Durant Has Had Jessie Spano Syndrome & Doesn't Didn't Know What To Do With His Hands

Before Nike dubbed him Professor X lite "Velvet Hoop" and Afrocentrism was apparently ironic, an offseason evening might find KD in a DC club, rigidly posting up and pining for the comfortably obscure & surgical sterility of Bricktown. Since, though, he's totally mastered the hemi-airscratch, and is completely not outshined by fellow dynamic personality, Rashard Lewis (Video here). It's like hearing Eminem murder Jay-Z on his own shit. Or eating plain yogurt with a glass of lukewarm tapwater in a 60W incandescent-lit room with no windows. But this viral video marketing is genius- take a few successful millionaire professionals, dress them up like the good ol' days in the street. Maybe a cookout theme with hoodrats and shoes on the grill because times is hard. Oh and mammies, obviously. Done. Wait, caricatural bulging eyes. OK. Wrap.
I doubt there's anyone more appropriate to walk such a fine line between painful, ingrained stereotypes and hip-hop culture than this guy. Another W. Anywho, one might hardly recognize straight edge Kevin Durant sulking around a charismatic Lebron as the reimagined, smooth Hoop Velvet, but goddamnit, this is who he is now. Like how Dwight Howard is the new Shaq Carrot Top and his jokes are funnier, his characters more 3 dimensional. Wigs and muscle suits FTW. But here are some vids which are either clips from the episode where Lisa sets Jessie up on a blind date with Darnell Mayberry and it goes comically awry when they stand up to leave The Max and she's like 3 feet taller than him, or it's just someone carrying a life-size cardboard cutout around a club.

1 comment:

Tupac said...

If I were still alive, this commercial would not exist.