Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
"i miss my big sis @BettyBoopEyes i wish i was at home with yall instead of Oklahoma Shitty"
"@Dani_Reese shit chillin in wack ass OKC u get my DM"
"Man this security guard in the mall said its mall policy that u can't wear a hood on ur head in the mall only in OKC"
Hey, if you don't like our mall policy maybe you should just get the hell out. But leave your younger bro here and then sever all communications with him. Can't they ban Twitter already?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Oh my gosh great question. The answer, of course, is "Yes". "Adequacy" is defined as whatever David Stern and the owners say it means, based on perpetually shifting metrics that have precisely zero to do with watching basketball. Your job as a fan is to simply accept this at face value. I'm so glad I could clear that up for you.
"Quote of the week, from Seattle hoops blogger M. Haubs in a review of the new documentary Sonicsgate:Many fans have difficulty accepting that Key Arena is an inadequate venue, given that it's a great place to watch a game and is less than 15 years old in its current incarnation.
These fans are mistaken, continues Haub, because they fail to recognize that Key Arena can't "maximize the varied revenue streams" that newer arenas can offer. Which is true enough as far as it goes — but is "doesn't generate as much profit as the tenant would like" really the new definition of "inadequate"?"
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
But damn so I was listening to the Daily Thunder Podcast today and the blogger Royce was interviewing the film's producer, and I was ready for him to rip his Sonic-loving head off and put it on a pike, but instead Royce just got all bipartisan and said this:
"What really has bothered me a lot about it is that a lot of Oklahomans have always said, ‘Well, if they just would've went to the games, this would've never happened.' Well, in ten years we may have a 20-win team and we’re not gonna be going to the games, I mean that’s reality. That’s professional sports, that’s how it works.What? Of course it's a worthy reason! They were terrible fans!! You start thinking about circumstance and nuance and the realities of the situation and it gets much harder to maintain a tenable position in your mind. That's why for me it's extremely black and white: Oklahoma fans best ever, Seattle fans pussies. You start looking at both sides of a situation and all of a sudden you're feeling empathy which can lead to anything from understanding to remorse to voting Democrat. Nobody wants to see that. Besides aren't you the guy who said this:
….That’s what bothers me, people like to point to those last attendance numbers and say ‘oh well look they didn’t even go to the games’, and I just don’t feel like that’s a worthy reason."
"But you guys are persistent - maybe if you'd have supported your basketball team the way you troll this blog they'd still be there. Low blow? Probably. But it felt good, especially after some of the total crap you wrote about my wonderful mother."You need to stop second-guessing yourself. Thunder fans don't want perspective, they want reassurance.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Ah, the uplifting nature and subsequent rosy outcomes of Basketball documentaries. First, Arthur Agee and William Gates realize their NBA dreams, then inspiring coach Bill Resler does not get forced out by boosters at Roosevelt High School, Yao does not have several season-ending and one career-ending injury, Sebastian Telfair doesn't toil forever in mediocrity, Spike Lee doesn't fall all over himself making a contrived Kobe/ESPN enshrinement with moments of socially awkward mortification, and the 'Der are forced to return to Seattle amidst revelations of backroom wrongdoings. And now, Ester Dean bravely takes 2 steps forward in the struggle for female equality by encouraging young women to drop it low on Chris Brown in this Jimmy Iovine produced soundtrack. Seriously though, see this movie. There is wisdom in young Belman's stubble:[Basketball Film had Grass-Roots Origin] WSJ.com
[More Than a Game Review] EW.com
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Now-defunct amateur comedy duo Rick Sund and Wally Walker get most of the credit for this one, and that one bit where Joseph got sucker-punched by Jerome James in the shower always made me smile. Thanks for selling dreams mechpaul, at least until Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Something for the involuntarily liberated fans. Unfortunately there's no Imperial Outlet, but if you want some truly phenomenal swag feel free to download and get your CafePress on. Or start a blog. Because if there's one thing this world needs, it's more NBA blogs.
Update: Color-coordinate with your favorite shade of sunset unique to this geographic region:
Monday, August 17, 2009
The Oklahoman has long been terrified of new types of media. John Rohde, Darnell Mayberry and Berry "Bullfeathers" Tramel have all at points in time used their lofty positions as newsmen to warn against the threats these types of outlets pose to decent folk and the common good and civil society as well as probably their own relevance and possibly job security. Fortunately no blog or Twitter page could compete with a mighty newspaper, least of all the Oklahoman, standard-bearer for integrity and truth.
Against this backdrop comes Jenni Carlson's bizarre column about Nick Collison and his curious Twitter page, and how he uses it to showcase a "lovefest" for Seattle while "tak[ing] shots" at OKC. Check out the screencap. You could blame it on the 24-hour news cycle except Jenni Carlson really only writes about once a week. What's odd is that although she claims to not mind and even "like him more" for his pro-Seattle comments, the tone of much of the article pretty clearly conveys the opposite. And the lede is written in such a way that it could only be perceived as trying to stoke a negative reaction. She even warns the Thunder brass not to get any "crazy ideas" about a Twitter ban, as if any of this is ban-worthy, and as if anyone else had that idea. Besides me of course.
Needless to say, it has ignited a firestorm of controversy. And rightly so. Because Nick Collison may look like one of us, he may act like one of us, and he may even sweat profusely while on the job just like you or I, but Nick Collison is not one of us. Nick Collison is a Seattelite. Gasp!
It's true. Despite wearing the light blue, dark blue, sunset yellow and reddish-orange of the 'Der, Nick Collison still lives in Seattle. And the smug bastard even likes it there. He says so right on his Twitter page. Not only that, he thinks Oklahoma City's 105 degree summer heat is too hot. Earmuff the children!
When will athletes learn that we don’t want to hear honest, off-the-cuff remarks no matter how benign, no matter how much genuine wit or charm they might possess? We want canned, rehearsed pablum you hear from real Americans like Mitt Romney or Kevin Durant. We demand it. If something drifts outside this narrow spectrum of rehearsed soundbites, sportswriters become threatened and attack the offender and try to purge it with fire.
Now it's time to dispense some old-fashioned mob justice.
Leading the crusade is talk radio personality Jim Traber, who took to the OKC airwaves to blast Collison for his remarks (the ones about the weather), "declare war" and literally try to run him out of town
“I am trying to run you out of town.”
“People are mad at me for saying 105 degrees is hot”
“As far as I’m concerned you can stay there!”
"I'm from the EAST COAST!"
This is all so major-league I can hardly believe it.
Co-host: “To be fair, I remember in the years when you were doing a show out in
Phoenix, there were many winter days when we were freezing our tails off in Oklahomaand you would remind us that it was 80 degrees out in ." Phoenix
Traber: “Absolutely. But let me tell you another thing too, okay, let me tell you another thing. I love
, I’ve been here 17— actually 20 years in total, and I never said, I would never say things like, you know “I didn’t want to be here” and all this other…” Oklahoma City
Collison: “You know what Jim, I never said I didn’t want to be in
Traber: "Okay. Okay, fine."
Traber wouldn’t be satisfied until Collison swore allegiance to the team and the state, and declared his desire to play there for the rest of his life a la Kevin Durant. After which I guess he would have believed him? Who knows. One thing I know is that Traber has stumbled upon an idea so brilliant in its simplicity I don't know how anyone in history hasn't thought of it before: Loyalty Oaths. This is something only the Oklahoma sports media could come up with.
But fear not, God-fearing Thunder fans (except for God), because the truth is out and Collison is on the chopping block. We are building this team upon players with Character™, and Collison clearly has none. And coincidentally he's also the highest paid player on the team, so this works out great. As far as I'm concerned, the team won't be safe until every last former-Sonic is run out of town. Except for Kevin Durant and Jeff Green, because they don't count. And Westbrook is kind of a gray area because he was drafted by the "Sonics", but not the "Seattle Sonics", because if you remember David Stern removed "Seattle" from the logo behind the podium on draft day even though the case hadn't settled yet. That was classy.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I doubt there's anyone more appropriate to walk such a fine line between painful, ingrained stereotypes and hip-hop culture than this guy. Another W. Anywho, one might hardly recognize straight edge Kevin Durant sulking around a charismatic Lebron as the reimagined, smooth Hoop Velvet, but goddamnit, this is who he is now. Like how Dwight Howard is the new
Saturday, August 8, 2009
If you weren't aware, some say Kevin Durant is as good as, and possibly (probably?) better than, LeBron James. This debate has been gaining steam lately and there doesn't seem to be anyone who can answer it definitively. Yet the Cavs have 25 nationally televised games this year to the Thundermen's one. NO. FAIR. All I know is: the LeBrons went to the second round in his third year and Kevin Durant is the greatest player of all time to have never won more than 23 games in a season. So look out league, the Oklahoman's turning this fairly obvious, routine business decision into locker room fodder. It's like, what have you done for me lately, NBA? Don't you read blogs? We're cult faves over here. We're the Boondock Saints of the NBA. Your friends tell you that you totally have to see this movie, then you do, and it fucking sucks like nothing you've ever seen. What I'm saying is you should at least release our games on DVD box set.
So if the league is sitting on the current LeBron James in OKC, why won't they show the world? While it's probably a league-wide conspiracy, it might also be because of this report by Sports Business Journal, who compiled the local TV ratings from NBA markets over the course of last season. Apparently they can do that.
"Another disappointment came in Oklahoma City, where an average of just 8,000 homes watched Thunder games on Fox Sports Oklahoma, even though this season was the team’s first in the market."Disappointment? Don't you mean "unqualified success"?
Yes, Kevin Durant was only seen by an average of 8,000 households per game, the second-worst figure in the NBA. The former LeBron drew 134,000 households on average locally. I find this statistic interesting because every time you go to a Thunder game, you are literally looking at a majority of Thunder fans in existence. It would seem that if anyone were disrespecting Kevin Durant it's Oklahoma City, which is an idea so patently absurd it makes me want to laugh out loud and then swallow hard and get very quiet. Durant has even inspired his own extremely FD t-shirt with his face on a milk carton:
But Durant is a Nike man, and the new LeBron, so something like this might be more appropriate:
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Great work though, Jerry. I agree that NBA franchises should be awarded based on who has the nicest waitresses and whether or not you have friends in the area.
"I still think the market is too small for long-term NBA success unless the Thunder becomes a perennial contender. Nevertheless, I'm now convinced that Oklahoma City deserves an NBA franchise."Damn, that chick must have been pretty hot for you to come up with some logic like that. Now that you mention it, I remember trying to order some food in Seattle one time and a waitress was like, "Hey aren't you that douchebag everybody hates?" What a bitch. I guess big cities just don't have any nice people, right? That's why I think the Knicks should move to Winfield, Kansas where my Aunt lives. That woman is a saint.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
But we would also like to extend our congratulations to the Daily Thunder, who just yesterday claimed an NBA title of their very own:
"Something I was thinking about - The Lakers claim 15 titles. Five of those titles came while they were the Minneapolis Lakers. So if that counts, then I’m ready and fully willing to take that 1979 NBA title and count it. I didn’t feel right about it before, but seeing as one of the greatest sports franchises ever is doing it, I guess it is alright."Well, I can't argue with his reasoning. I wonder why he felt wrong about it in the first place. Not sure exactly what he means when he says he's gonna "count it" all of a sudden, and how that might alter his interpretation of actual events. What does that mean on a practical level? Is he just gonna start pretending that the 1979 title was won by a team in OKC named the Thunder? Because that's what I do now and it's awesome. I just repeated it over and over to myself enough times to the point that I now literally believe it to be true. Now I brag about it to all my idiot friends. I'm all, "welcome to TitleTown USA, chumps!" and then I start feeling really great about myself. There's just a certain level of pride that comes with acquiring a team that won a title 20 years ago in another state before you cared about basketball. You can't buy that type of feeling, except, I suppose, in this case. But only a precious few will ever know my joy. And to think, all you haters said we couldn't do it! What's up now haters?
Here's a few old photos I found of the celebration, back when Mike Baldwin's mustache was current:
Sunday, May 24, 2009
During a recent live chat on ESPN.com, Kevin Durant had this unfortunate exchange:
Parker (Memphis, TN): Hey Kevin, How has the adjustment been from Seattle to Oklahoma City? Which do you view more as an "NBA city"?I think what he meant to say is that Oklahoma City is a basketball mecca with an allure that was simply too great for any owner to resist. It is a small, quiet town with nice people that enjoy sports. In America, it is completely unique in that regard.
Kevin Durant: I think the toughest thing is moving everything from Seattle. With Seattle having a team for so long, I think they are more of an NBA city. But the fans in Oklahoma City are great.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
From Stuart Scott, during halftime of the May 10 Rockets-Lakers game:
"We mistakenly said the elbow thrown by Kobe Bryant was to the neck area. It was not. The league clearly said the elbow was thrown to the chest area, not the neck."Wow, it must be cool to have the league office do all your thinking for you. What's good, critical thought?
BONUS: Here is a list of things Stuart Scott has actually said on the air, apparently in reference to sports. You will not be disappointed. The best part is that you can click on the quotes and the author will actually explain the context and origin of each one. Among my favorites:
"I put the bat up on that pitch, and I hit, I hit, I hit."
"Who 'dat? It's just my baby's daddy."
"Stop. Drop. Shut 'em down. Open up shop."
"Wow! That one's as hardcore as the Wu-Tang Clan on steroids!"
"Michael, Michael, Michael, can't you see. Sometimes your threes just hypnotize me."
Monday, April 27, 2009
Maybe if I wasn't the only person on Earth who gave a shit about what Jenni Carlson had to say more of you would have seen this coming. Here she is laying waste to Seattle politicians while managing to sound like one of those kids reviewing a book on reading rainbow. It's pretty darn excruciating.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
It has come to our attention that SonicsCentral.com is commanding its legion of unwashed urban farmers to call their local representatives in support of Bill 6116. Be warned, Thunder fans.
Also, if you are a Seattleite, I would humbly suggest that you not do this, because then I might have to pay $30 million to the City of Seattle, and I would hate that. I've got mouths to feed.
However, do continue to stay glued to your TVs for the thrilling, 2-month long conclusion to the NBA season. Anything can happen and you don't want to miss it. Where will amazing happen this year? Will the NBA continue to care about things? Is basketball just a game? Or sometimes, is it more? Much more? Who will face off in the Finals? Will it be the Cavs and the Lakers? Yeah probably.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Hahaha no but seriously those chicks were broke.
- Daulerio finds photographic confirmation @ Deadspin.
- Ziller via The Sporting Blog: "Clay Bennett thinks your cheerleaders look absolutely hilarious"
- SPORTS by BROOKS: "Claycism"
- Supersonicsoul: "Whoops"
- Damon Agnos, Seattle Weekly: "Clay Bennett Gets His Don Imus On"
- David Goldstein via HorsesAss.Org: "Feet of Clay: Insert Directly in Mouth"
- Via cantstopthebleeding.com's Racism Corner
Friday, February 13, 2009
Here's something weird: the US is now lead by a young-ish black guy who plays basketball and listens to Jay-Z, while the NBA, who's relevant personnel is 85% black, is run by a 90-year old white dinosaur who has only ever touched a basketball for photo-ops.
The David's 25th anniversary as commissioner has unleashed an outpouring of praise and superlatives from the sports media establishment. Seeking opinions on Stern's reign, ESPN went out and got some soundbites from non-biased individuals like an NBA team president and two NBA team owners (note: they think he's great). They balanced the coverage with a selected quote from the NBA's 2-time MVP Steve Nash who did not disagree in polite company. So now that we've heard from all sides I guess that settles it. Oh and also Mike Breen and Mark Jackson think he's the second coming. And Jeremy Schaap wants him to be a US Senator, which is pretty incredible when you think about it. But anyway ESPN climaxed with a softly-lit puff-piece "interview" with Stern (on the sidebar) that was not at all cringe-inducing. David Stern does not at all resemble Gollum from the 1977 animated version of The Hobbit and his smile is 100% natural for an invertebrate with translucent skin. Also, his teeth are not the color of creamed corn.
So while America celebrates hope and change we must simultaneously endure ESPN masturbating to stasis and entrenched power and the glory of the status quo. And better yet, acting like everyone agrees with them. I liked in that clip when they showed Stern hugging Paul Pierce after the 2008 Finals. And yet somehow they forgot to show this moment, which happed seconds earlier. Did he just say "champeen"? Yes.
And then there's J.A. Adande coming to Stern's aide about that dress code flap, in which history has come down firmly on the side of the NBA, apparently:
"The dress code was part of his mission; it sparked a mini cultural war, yet it turned out to be ahead of the curve. Look at the landscape now. Jay-Z disdains wearing jerseys, and Diddy fancies himself a tuxedo-clad James Bond. The NBA was there first."Uhhhhhh, what? The fuck? Are you talking about? The NBA was there first? Like they made up dressing in suits and shit? Like Jay-Z and P Diddy didn't wear expensive suits before the NBA made it cool? The NBA started that? Huh. So Jay-Z + Diddy = "the landscape". I guess David Stern is really just a fashion forward trend-setter when you think about it. Yeah, now that you mention it, I'm sure he set out to start the newest hip-hop trend by trying to get Jay-Z to NOT wear NBA jerseys thereby ensuring he can lose millions of dollars in merchandise sales. I'm finally sold ESPN, David Stern is a genius. Adande goes on to say "Last season's big story, the Tim Donaghy scandal, did not have a racial angle." Yes, only a game-fixing-by-the-league angle. Another Stern victory.
And it only became his mission after the NBA's 9/11 in Detroit. Then in 2005 David Stern hired George W. Bush campaign strategist Matthew Dowd to craft a marketing strategy to connect with white America. They came up with stuff like dress codes and age limits and shorts that don't touch your knees. Because that's where players hide their guns. They came up with a list of bars players couldn't go to. They upped the technicals. An NBA game in which someone throws a punch is now a "disgrace", while a hockey game without a fight is a disappointment. Dowd's conventional wisdom said that people didn't like the NBA because it was populated by thugs and miscreants, and ever since David Stern has gone out of his way to let America know that he agrees.
But the cool thing is that none of that matters because all you need is five minutes on ESPN and you can go from Vladimir Putin to the Barack Obama-style"global outreach" guy. I guess!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Oklahoman's Jenni Carlson has outed OKC fan favorite Desmond Mason as a "fancy pants" Starbucks-loving latte-sipper. From her stunning expose:
JC: So, what’s in the Starbucks cup? Do you do coffee, or are you fancy pants?Ho-ly Christ, that just sent a chill down my spine. There is no doubt Desmond was wearing a scarf when he said that.
DM: "I’m fancy. I go with the seasons, so I’ll probably be drinking a gingerbread latte into January or February. Ginger snap, since they changed the name on it..."
...And besides that, I’m four pumps, light whip, one shot single, extra hot."
There is only one heterosexually-safe way to make coffee, and here it is. Take a tin can of Folgers Crystals that is at least old enough to no longer have the label attached. Looking at the happy couple drinking coffee on the label is like peering through a window to your own gayness. It should be found in the garage between a rifle and hatchet. Mix 2 parts coffee and one part gravel. Boil water from the hose or ideally a river over a burning tire. Put some dirt-coffee mix into a sports-related mug from no later than 1992 and pour in water once it becomes scalding. Stir it with with the first thing at arm's length. If you want cream or sugar, do yourself a favor and keep your goddamn mouth shut. Take a hearty swig, spit it on the ground and say "this coffee tastes like shit." This is not open for discussion.
BILB will keep Desmond in our prayers.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Mark Cuban was one of just two owners to vote against the Sonics' move to Oklahoma City. He's a total cockblocker, and his intransigence won't soon be forgotten. Money over bitches, Cuban. Here's some of his "reasoning":
"There could be information that sways me," he said. "If they come back and said the Oklahoma City index is 200 when it comes to watching the NBA on TNT or ABC, and no one in Seattle watches, then OK maybe there's information that goes beyond market size."Well, Sports Media Watch has been gathering that information:
"In Seattle, which is undergoing its first season without an NBA team in 42 years, nationally televised NBA games are averaging a 0.8 rating on ESPN and a 0.9 on TNT, down 20% and 10% respectively from a 1.0 on each network last year."See? Nobody in Seattle likes the NBA. At least, not anymore. David Stern is such a genius. The article continues.
"In Oklahoma City, which is in its first year as a full-time NBA city, games on ESPN are averaging a 0.9 rating, down 18% from a 1.1 in '07, while games on TNT are averaging a surprisingly low 0.6 -- down 33% from a 0.9 last year.So, apparently ratings are worse for Oklahoma City's inaugural NBA season than they were for the 2007-08 Sonics' 82-game "Fuck You" to the fans of Seattle. And apparently a 1.2 rating translates into a lot more homes in Seattle than it does in Oklahoma City. Somehow this information doesn't mesh with my perception of Thunder fans as the greatest sports fans in history of both sports and fans. If only there were some prominent Oklahoman, perhaps our sportscaster-turned-mayor, who could try to explain this away to the New York Times. Oh, here we go:
According to Nielsen, Oklahoma City Thunder telecasts are averaging a 1.2/2 rating and approximately 9,000 homes on KSBI (6 games), and a 1.1/2 and approximately 7,000 homes on FS Oklahoma. Sonics games averaged a 1.27 rating on FSN Northwest for the full 2007-08 season, equaling approximately 22,600 homes."
“Our fan base is still really not in tune with the rest of the league and even our team on the road,” Cornett said. “I don’t get the sense that if you walked into a restaurant and our team is playing a road game, that it’s a given that they are going to be playing it on TV. The market just hasn’t matured in that respect. To them, the N.B.A. is 41 home games, and the rest will take time to develop.”Well put, Mayor Mick. Everyone knows it will take time for Thunder fans--fans who deserved to have this basketball team more than its old fans--to figure out that half the games aren't played in Oklahoma. Naturally. Road games are a tricky concept. It's something that can only be learned through maturation and personal growth, and maybe those refrigerator magnet schedules they hand out for free. But mostly maturity. Hopefully, the fans who can figure out how to drive to the Ford Center can eventually also learn how to turn on the TV and navigate to the correct channel at the appropriate times. Maybe in year three.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
In a move that will make some people say "we are now among the deepest of prolific offensive teams", we've cleansed ourselves of another Walker/Sund-Era bust to acquire Chatkins from our bitter divisional rival/cancerous PG secondhand source, Denver. Hey, we're done carrying your ass frenchie, and no, Axe body spray is not a shower substitute. Presti's Plan is the new Pickens Plan, except less packaged for eco-extremists. If you forgot, get familiar (via USA Today):
The result, he hopes, will be improvement on the defensive end and steady progress toward embracing the team identity he has conjured up in his mind. If a player fits into that mold, Presti has the resources to pounce.34 yr. old Chatkins, with less explosiveness and more hernia, gives us that "balance". In addition, this move positions us for late-round cracks at 2 more
"We're looking for guys that will play both ends of the floor, but you can't have a team that's made up of only defensive players. There needs to be balance to everything you do," Presti said. "We want guys that will compete. We want players that are going to fit the plan that we're looking to execute."
More good news though is that we now have more of this:
and much less of this:
Saturday, January 3, 2009