The Oklahoman's Jenni Carlson has outed OKC fan favorite Desmond Mason as a "fancy pants" Starbucks-loving latte-sipper. From her stunning expose:
JC: So, what’s in the Starbucks cup? Do you do coffee, or are you fancy pants?Ho-ly Christ, that just sent a chill down my spine. There is no doubt Desmond was wearing a scarf when he said that.
DM: "I’m fancy. I go with the seasons, so I’ll probably be drinking a gingerbread latte into January or February. Ginger snap, since they changed the name on it..."
...And besides that, I’m four pumps, light whip, one shot single, extra hot."
There is only one heterosexually-safe way to make coffee, and here it is. Take a tin can of Folgers Crystals that is at least old enough to no longer have the label attached. Looking at the happy couple drinking coffee on the label is like peering through a window to your own gayness. It should be found in the garage between a rifle and hatchet. Mix 2 parts coffee and one part gravel. Boil water from the hose or ideally a river over a burning tire. Put some dirt-coffee mix into a sports-related mug from no later than 1992 and pour in water once it becomes scalding. Stir it with with the first thing at arm's length. If you want cream or sugar, do yourself a favor and keep your goddamn mouth shut. Take a hearty swig, spit it on the ground and say "this coffee tastes like shit." This is not open for discussion.
BILB will keep Desmond in our prayers.