Thursday, August 14, 2008

Oklahoma City: a Sonics tradition

Many people tell me that I've destroyed a rich Sonic tradition in Seattle. But these people don't realize that OKC has its own Sonic tradition; only instead of excelling in the basketball arena we've excelled in the competitive arenas of overconsumption of highly processed non-foods and clinical obesity. Men's Fitness ranks OKC Eighth in its list of America's Fattest Cities, and we're consistently distinguished as the "Fast Food Capital of America" by Fortune Magazine.

But the fact that we received the grade of "F" in both the "Overweight/Sedentary" and "Motivation" category does not detract from our dedication to athletics. To the contrary, the measure of a basketball fan is not how much they play but how much they watch. And consume concessions. And perhaps purchase WNBA-sleeved replica jerseys.

So when Men's Fitness says "Basketball courts are practically nonexistent here, among the fewest per capita in our survey. There's just one court here for every 11,950 residents", I would remind them that having the desire or physical capacity to actually play basketball has no relevance on one's level of fanhood. The measure of a fan is ultimately a function of revenue dollars that fan creates for me, Clay Bennett, by purchasing tickets, concessions and merchandise. So go take some more pics of shirtless guys for your gay-ass magazine, Men's Fitness.

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