PJ Carlesimo True Facts

OKC is poised to move up the Western Conference standings with career winner PJ Carlesimo at the helm. Carlesimo recently stated in a radio interview that moving to Oklahoma City was "the best thing that's ever happenend to our basketball franchise and basketball team". This level of basketball IQ has guided Carlesimo to an NBA career winning percentage of .417 and zero career playoff series victories. More true facts about PJ Carlesimo:

• PJ Carlesimo was once dealt a Royal Flush and lost $182,000.
• PJ Carlesimo led the Portland Trailblazers to three straight first round losses from 1994-1997.
• The cheif export of PJ Carlesimo is losing.
• PJ Carlesimo's semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
• PJ Carlesimo sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.
• The chief import of PJ Carlesimo is cock.
• PJ Carlesimo was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.
• In order to shed payroll, increase fan apathy and ensure high future draft picks, the Sonics got rid of Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis and hired PJ Carlesimo.
• PJ Carlesimo once told one of his players to "put a little mustard" on his passes. The player threatened to kill him and dragged him to the ground by his throat, choking him for 10-15 seconds before his teammates pulled him off his coach. He returned about 20 minutes later and landed a glancing blow at Carlesimo before being dragged away again. He said that if his teammates did not stop him he would have seriously injured, and possibly killed Carlesimo. The team went on to finish the season 19-63.
• PJ Carlesimo's tears single-handedly raised Seattle's annual rainfall by 17 inches.
• When PJ Carlesimo pays taxes he sends in blank forms with only a picture of himself crouched and ready to strike. He is subsequently forced to pay 73% of earned income and 100% of capital gains to the IRS.
• PJ Carlesimo went on Jeopardy and answered every question "Who is PJ Carlesimo?" Alex Trebek dragged him to the ground by his throat, choking him for 10-15 seconds. He then lost his life savings.
• PJ Carlesimo began coaching after Ja Rule ended his rap career.