Evolution of a Nightmare: a photo essay

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Happy Wanksgiving

How does one pick a turkey? I was told a good measuring stick is if it doesn't fit readily into your 59FIFTY fitted, then it's excessive for a traditional family of 5, or a nontraditional family of 11 Darnell Mayberry's.

WNBA Watch

The Onion reports: "WNBA Team Moving to Tulsa Sounds About Right"

Nick Collison has nothing on Tony Durant

Earlier this summer Nick Collison pissed off The Oklahoman and Jim Traber with his negative-ish tweets about OKC's weather. They're probably not going to enjoy Tony Durant's Twitter page:

"i miss my big sis @BettyBoopEyes i wish i was at home with yall instead of Oklahoma Shitty"

"@Dani_Reese shit chillin in wack ass OKC u get my DM"

"Man this security guard in the mall said its mall policy that u can't wear a hood on ur head in the mall only in OKC"

Hey, if you don't like our mall policy maybe you should just get the hell out. But leave your younger bro here and then sever all communications with him. Can't they ban Twitter already?

The system works.

Neil deMause of Field of Schemes makes an interesting point today after reading The Painted Area's review of Sonicsgate.

"Quote of the week, from Seattle hoops blogger M. Haubs in a review of the new documentary Sonicsgate:

Many fans have difficulty accepting that Key Arena is an inadequate venue, given that it's a great place to watch a game and is less than 15 years old in its current incarnation.

These fans are mistaken, continues Haub, because they fail to recognize that Key Arena can't "maximize the varied revenue streams" that newer arenas can offer. Which is true enough as far as it goes — but is "doesn't generate as much profit as the tenant would like" really the new definition of "inadequate"?"

Oh my gosh great question. The answer, of course, is "Yes". "Adequacy" is defined as whatever David Stern and the owners say it means, based on perpetually shifting metrics that have precisely zero to do with watching basketball. Your job as a fan is to simply accept this at face value. I'm so glad I could clear that up for you.

Elevating the Debate

As you may have heard, Sonicsgate premiered a few days ago and a lot of people thought it was very objective and very good. I won't be seeing it personally because it was made by a Seattleite and therefore could not possibly be either objective or good. Don't waste your breath trying to convince me otherwise.

But damn so I was listening to the Daily Thunder Podcast today and the blogger Royce was interviewing the film's producer, and I was ready for him to rip his Sonic-loving head off and put it on a pike, but instead Royce just got all bipartisan and said this:

"What really has bothered me a lot about it is that a lot of Oklahomans have always said, ‘Well, if they just would've went to the games, this would've never happened.' Well, in ten years we may have a 20-win team and we’re not gonna be going to the games, I mean that’s reality. That’s professional sports, that’s how it works.

….That’s what bothers me, people like to point to those last attendance numbers and say ‘oh well look they didn’t even go to the games’, and I just don’t feel like that’s a worthy reason."

What? Of course it's a worthy reason! They were terrible fans!! You start thinking about circumstance and nuance and the realities of the situation and it gets much harder to maintain a tenable position in your mind. That's why for me it's extremely black and white: Oklahoma fans best ever, Seattle fans pussies. You start looking at both sides of a situation and all of a sudden you're feeling empathy which can lead to anything from understanding to remorse to voting Democrat. Nobody wants to see that. Besides aren't you the guy who said this:

"But you guys are persistent - maybe if you'd have supported your basketball team the way you troll this blog they'd still be there. Low blow? Probably. But it felt good, especially after some of the total crap you wrote about my wonderful mother."

You need to stop second-guessing yourself. Thunder fans don't want perspective, they want reassurance.

More Than The Heart of the Game

Ah, the uplifting nature and subsequent rosy outcomes of Basketball documentaries. First, Arthur Agee and William Gates realize their NBA dreams, then inspiring coach Bill Resler does not get forced out by boosters at Roosevelt High School, Yao does not have several season-ending and one career-ending injury, Sebastian Telfair doesn't toil forever in mediocrity, Spike Lee doesn't fall all over himself making a contrived Kobe/ESPN enshrinement with moments of socially awkward mortification, and the 'Der are forced to return to Seattle amidst revelations of backroom wrongdoings. And now, Ester Dean bravely takes 2 steps forward in the struggle for female equality by encouraging young women to drop it low on Chris Brown in this Jimmy Iovine produced soundtrack. Seriously though, see this movie. There is wisdom in young Belman's stubble:[Basketball Film had Grass-Roots Origin] WSJ.com
[More Than a Game Review] EW.com

Follow me on Woofer!

I finally cracked and joined Woofer. If you don't know what that is, all I can say is July 2009 called, they want their social networking trend back. What does Woofer mean to the future of the NBA? I couldn't even begin to answer a question of that magnitude in under 1,400 characters.

For Sale: Dreams, $9.99

My great shame is 2 fold: One, I didn't own a franchise until WNBA sleeves were on the outs, and second, I'm passing on this stitched Joe Forte masterstroke of design. I want to drape it over my Christmas tree and practice holy traditions beneath it. But alas, power seller mechpaul told me he doesn't trade for stocktips and there's not much room to slide those multiple X's of material into these jeans buddy, I tell you. But dammit if someone out there doesn't appreciate a little less shoulder on the court or in the pool or in front of a mirror. If you're also into socially responsible jerseys take a look.

Now-defunct amateur comedy duo Rick Sund and Wally Walker get most of the credit for this one, and that one bit where Joseph got sucker-punched by Jerome James in the shower always made me smile. Thanks for selling dreams mechpaul, at least until Tuesday.