Happy Wanksgiving

How does one pick a turkey? I was told a good measuring stick is if it doesn't fit readily into your 59FIFTY fitted, then it's excessive for a traditional family of 5, or a nontraditional family of 11 Darnell Mayberry's.

The Clayton Bennett Guide to Success

Here in OKC, we’re not just building a team, we’re building a culture. A culture built on integrity, character, family values, traditional marriage, protecting the unborn, restructuring corporate tax codes, and professionalism. And winning. Part of achieving success on and off the court is maintaining a sharp outward appearance but not, like, in the metrosexual way. It’s often said that one should dress for the job they want, not the job they have. That’s why people would take one look at me and know I was destined to become a P.E. teacher, Army recruiter, NBA owner.


People wanting to achieve success in life need only follow my personal grooming standards, put forth in this handy diagram:


Simply set your clippers to zero, place them just above the ear at anywhere between 30 and 45 degrees, depending on how bulbous your head is, and etch a harsh, drastic line into your temple. Remove all hair below this line.

David Stern's dress code may indeed be visionary, but doesn't go far enough for my taste. Just look at these before and after shots showing how the Clay Bennett method can either enhance or completely transform your image:

People love me. (updated x 2)

Maybe it was my electrifying performance at the logo unveiling, or maybe it was the way I cut my sideburns extra negative today. Whatever the reason, people love me:

• Ball Don't Lie: "Upside and Motor is right, and Rebecca Lobo agrees: Whoever is in charge of photoshoppin' duties at this new Oklahoma City blog — Bend It Like Bennett — is at least as good, if not better than whoever designed the real Thunder logo.
• Hardwood Paroxysm: "I don't know what's the most awesome: the name, the writing, or the photoshop work. Add to RSS Readers, immediately, hordes."
• Deadspin!
• Supersonicsoul: "I hope the OKC fans embrace this brilliant "web 2.0" peek into their new franchise...Best wishes to them, and their sharp-witted, irony-proof citizenry."
• And One: "This is brilliant...Unless, of course, they're serious, in which case all is lost."
• Upside and Motor: "Another big-time blog for OKC. The name is ridiculously great, and whoever is photoshopping over there is at least as good, if not better than whoever designed the real Thunder logo."
• World Hoops Blog: "Greatest name for a blog, ever. Peep Friday's post going Lampoon on the new OKC logo. Me likes lots."
• Red's Army
• Oklahoma City BBall: " I wonder if this guy is even from OKC. Seems just like a covert Seattle fan. But regardless, they can eat it."
• NBA Fanhouse: "Every team needs a snarky, pessimistic blog to offer dystopic viewpoints about ... well, everything. The Thunder can fill in this bubble now."
• Sports Illustrated
  

True to form, Darnell Mayberry has yet to comment.