Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Everything is under control


Don't panic, Thunder fans. Stay with me. I got this. I GOT THIS. Your boy Clay is on top of this shit right here. Don't you bail on me, don't you dare goddammit. Are you reading this, Darnell? You fucking Judas, you. You like your job don't you? You like getting paid to watch NBA games and then spend ten minutes writing piddling observations for money, right? I thought so. Oklahoman writers wanna get tough now, huh? "Get used to the cellar"? What is that shit? That kind of talk does not move merchandise. "9 win season"? Thanks for the history lesson. Here's another bit of recent history for you to chew on, smart guy:



Sucks to get clowned by Berry Tramel. And now I got John Rohde writing "Shame on the Thunder". Cute. I'm about 2 seconds from walking up into that building and cleaning house.

Everyone needs to chill the fuck out. We're right where we want to be. The rebuilding plan is working to absolute perfection. The future's so bright I have to wear Ray-Bans when I'm sitting courtside. I need some SPF 50 just to write Robert Swift's check.

Yeah we're 2-20. Yeah. Good one. So what? Are you saying you want to fight me? Say something else, I am 100% not fucking around anymore. Dudes, that was a tough game tonight against a formidable opponent, and we came up short, that's all. We faced a quality 5-15 team riding a nine-game losing streak and missing their three best players. At home. And were down by as many as 21 to a team that lost by 35 two days ago. And we couldn't pull it out despite 41 points from Kevin Durant. No big deal. You win some, you lose some. You play games with the team you have, not the team you may want or wish to have at a later time. Don Rumsfeld. The fans don't care about wins and losses, they just like watching a bunch of back-ups fuck around for 48 minutes. Plus the season-ticket holders already wrote their checks. Money talks. The fans were like, "I want to give you my hard-earned money so you can give it to Chris Wilcox. Keep some for yourself, too." Done.

We also had our lowest attendance to date, with a reported 17,854 in the stands. But that's neither here nor there.

But don't worry everyone, Mike Baldwin said that the team would go 8-7 in December due to how weak the schedule is. So far we're 0-4. Guess that means we're looking at an 8-3 run. Get your tickets Boomer fans! They're like $3 on Craigslist.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

You've outdone yourself on this one, Claymate. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

WTF Darnell, get it together, you aren't paid hundreds of dollars a year to write that shit. Darnell is tarnishing his legacy faster than Jordan coming back with the Wizzards.

Anonymous said...

Berry Tramel tweaks like he should be hanging out on 3rd ave between Pike and Pine.

Anonymous said...

I like the John Rohde article shaming the Golden State Warriors for feeling good about winning the game. Whenever you can hold off a team that makes a fourth quarter comeback and gets within three points in the last minute, you should be proud of winning.

Rhymenocerous said...

Couldn't of happened to better people. Fuck em.

Anonymous said...

Claymate, you need to check out the material over at Thunderworld today. There are several links just begging to be mocked.

Anonymous said...

Claymate doesn't mock, he enlightens so that we may continue being good consumers in tough economic times

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the Thunder fucking sucks. You fags in OKC deserve such a shitty franchise. Now you know what it is like to sit through a shitty season. But make sure you remain "real" fans and sit there through it all. And be happy to pay for it. Dumbasses.

Rex Chapman said...

If Clay Bennett was the captain of the Titanic, he would demand that a new ship be built as a replacement and for the passengers to pay for it. He would then move the ship to Oklahoma City and rename it the "Terror."

Anonymous said...

http://query-origin.andohs.net/8000A6/content-root3.andomedia.com/origin/mp3/espnradio/sportsguy/simmons081210.mp3

SoonerLosers said...

Aubrey McClendon has lost almost 2 billion dollars this year, and I bet clayclay is not doing much better, back to seattle they come! after OKC goes bankrupt.

Dave Wakeman's Blog said...

You don't mean to tell me that OKC is finding out the same thing that Seattle knew, the reason that fan support was down was that the team was being run by complete friggin' morons.

The uniforms are clean and new. The city is new and different.

The team running the team, still stinks like a pile of steaming buffalo poo....

Anonymous said...

don't underestimate the consumers of OKC, there is plenty of merchandise to be bought

elhotrod said...

I just watched a middle school basketball game, and it was 55-7, much more enjoyable than the NBA, especially what I saw on most nights last year in Seattle--I didn't see one throw-it-into-the-post-and kick-it-out-for-a-three! Gosh, these kids don't know what real basketball is about.

You know, I don't really miss it, especially P.J. (Mr. Bitter-Beer-Face)Cantcoachatallisimo--I saw Durant blow him off several times last year. Oh, by the way, Scott Brooks, that is your name isn't it?, you're the new coach, prestichango! The Thunda down Unda!!!!