Guess who got named Oklahoman of the Year? (Updated)

This is how you sell merchandise

That's right, yours truly has been named the best person our state had to offer this year. No joke.

"No one came close to Clay Bennett as we set about selecting this year’s Oklahoman of the Year,” said Louisa McCune-Elmore, Oklahoma Today editor-in-chief. "His accomplishment presents an extraordinary moment in the life of Oklahoma, probably among the most important achievements in our capital city’s history.”

Yes, bringing the 2-24 shell of a basketball team to OKC at the expense of another region's fanbase, civic heritage and cultural identity is quite possibly the most important achievement in our city's history. That should fill us all with pride. They weren't "Real America" anyway. And it's good to know we have our priorities in line.

I'm also honored by Oklahoma Magazine's dedication to that most Christian ideal: "The end justifies the means". Who gives a shit how we got a team? We got one, didn't we? They're right there in the blinding rainbow uniforms getting their asses kicked. Who cares if we had to lie, cheat, steal, deceive, extort, and kiss ass to get it? Jesus would have done the same thing, because Jesus is major-league. Sure, our state ranks 47th in teacher salaries, but maybe they should have worked harder on their jumpshots in the off-season. Oklahoma media circles know that the people who truly need greater recognition are the uber-rich profiteers who feed at the public trough. They're the ones getting us all this national respect, at least according to the vague assumptions in my wife's newspaper. You're welcome, Oklahoma.

UPDATE: More national respect from Deadspin!