Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Guess who got named Oklahoman of the Year? (Updated)

This is how you sell merchandise

That's right, yours truly has been named the best person our state had to offer this year. No joke.
"No one came close to Clay Bennett as we set about selecting this year’s Oklahoman of the Year,” said Louisa McCune-Elmore, Oklahoma Today editor-in-chief. "His accomplishment presents an extraordinary moment in the life of Oklahoma, probably among the most important achievements in our capital city’s history.”
Yes, bringing the 2-24 shell of a basketball team to OKC at the expense of another region's fanbase, civic heritage and cultural identity is quite possibly the most important achievement in our city's history. That should fill us all with pride. They weren't "Real America" anyway. And it's good to know we have our priorities in line.

I'm also honored by Oklahoma Magazine's dedication to that most Christian ideal: "The end justifies the means". Who gives a shit how we got a team? We got one, didn't we? They're right there in the blinding rainbow uniforms getting their asses kicked. Who cares if we had to lie, cheat, steal, deceive, extort, and kiss ass to get it? Jesus would have done the same thing, because Jesus is major-league. Sure, our state ranks 47th in teacher salaries, but maybe they should have worked harder on their jumpshots in the off-season. Oklahoma media circles know that the people who truly need greater recognition are the uber-rich profiteers who feed at the public trough. They're the ones getting us all this national respect, at least according to the vague assumptions in my wife's newspaper. You're welcome, Oklahoma.

UPDATE: More national respect from Deadspin!


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Okies should be proud that a half retarded mongoloid is the best they have to offer the world.

Well done OKC!!!

Anonymous said...

Wasn't Seattle just thrilled with Howie S. the day he bought the Sonics? Howie, now synonymous with horseshit. Howie played a big role in fucking Seattle by stupidly selling the Sonics to Mr. ObviouslyI'mgoingtomovethem Bennett. I'm thinking it won't take long for OK man of the year to achieve Howie's status once the glamour wears off and the OK people realize just what it is that Clay saddled them with. Enjoy the exorbitant cost of maintaining an NBA team in a small market, OK. Be sure to faithfully attend every game no matter how shitty the team is.

Anonymous said...

Well said Claymate - keep it coming!

How's the weather in LA? We got snow here in Seattle.

Anonymous said...

Jesus totally would've Acension Dunked all over anyone who would've tried to stop Claymate from bringing the NBA to the Promised Land. Believe it!