Expert's Take

There is no good reason why Adam Morrison should not be on the Thunder.

Putting the "Con" in "Conspiracy"

After reading and meticulously studying every line of the 133 page Pedowitz report, a few things are more clear to Mr. Monday than the heels found at Night Trips:

FACT: Rogue referee Tim Donaghy bet on about 14 games he personally officiated in the 2006-2007 season. He won these bets and made money off of the games but didn't alter his officiating based on his wagers and thus never harmed the integrity of the play on the court.

FACT: No other referees were involved and the outcomes of NBA games were never influenced by Rogue Donaghy or any other official.

FACT: NBA executives scrupulously examined the 17 games in question and found no foul play, leading the Pedowitz report to correctly conclude the same.

This leads Mr. Monday to one obvious conclusion: the NBA rightfully found in favor of itself. Once again David Stern is correct and all the guano crazy conspiracy theorists can finally die of their self-inflicted histoplasmosis. As we all know, issues like this are best kept and handled within the family. The Feds will always try to put their hands down every American’s son and/or daughter’s pants, but the NBA doesn’t put up with this type of perverted communist agenda.

“But Mr. Monday, what about the big-money gamblers who won 15 of 15 times on his games?’ and “What about the ten games refereed by Scott Foster where the big-money gamblers won a perfect 10 of 10 times?” Mr. Monday doesn’t believe in luck but he does believe in destiny. And destiny trumps coincidence every time. Look, when my Granny Agnus comes home from bingo with a new 1998 edition of the King James Bible does Mr. Monday suspect Granny had inside cohorts telling her which card to pick? No chance.

Just remember, you don’t have to be faster than the bear, just faster than the guy you’re with. Game, match, set the NBA.
Mr. Monday is an irreverent wit and anonymous foe to those he deems fit. When he's not busy annointing hippies "leafy-green" or "hybrid-driving, carpooling, mountain-climbers", he splits his time between the oklahoman and BiLB to keep those outside the truth filter in check. To read his oklahoman archive, pay a visit to blog.newsok.com/mrmonday, or refer here to his newest home in the blogosphere for the wry and the whimsical.

Create-a-Caption

Go help the good folks at Ball Don't Lie think up a fitting caption for this image.

Suggested: "Hey Peej, maybe I'm not looking at you because your tie is like a fucking optical illusion."

Kevin Durant says have a great weekend.

Honoring the "Rain Man" and OKC's NBA history.

The Thunderworld recently wrote a feature called “5 Burning Questions” about the upcoming season. The author, Royce, mentions the Thunder v. Blazers as one of five “can’t miss” games because, of course, they are our “interim rival”. He must be a BilB reader.

But that wasn’t the best part. Here’s burning question number five: “If I’m going to buy a jersey, who’s should I get?” His answer is a real kick in the balls:

“I've told friends I'm getting a custom Thunder Gary Payton #20 jersey or a Rain Man, Shawn Kemp #40 uni, but the price is pretty hefty. Maybe I could get a discount if I just got a Detlef Schrempf #11."

Wow, friend, just wow. The balls on this guy. I’m simply stunned by the sheer audacity and brilliance of that suggestion. I mean, this is an avenue of profit even I never considered (and I have no moral compass): jerseys of players who have zero relevance to your city and team, who actively worked against the team ever setting foot in your town, who spoke at rallies against your ownership group, who would vomit with rage at the sight of such a customized abomination, and who in all likelihood would instantly despise you should they ever see you wearing it. A walking, stitched-mesh oxymoron. Rocking that thing would be enough to cause real fans to fucking blow their brains out on sight. Or dive under riding lawn mowers. You’d be “The Happening” only in real life. You’d be a walking M. Night Shyamalan box office career-ender. I say go for it.

But why stop there? Why not just get a Thunder Kobe jersey? Or a Thunder Peyton Manning jersey? Or Gwen Stefani? Why not just customize the front to say Real Madrid and put “Ross Gellar from Friends” on the back? Why not go door-to-door through Seattle and personally dick-slap everyone you meet?

"Just one thing to make sure of: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get a custom jersey with your name on the back. There is nothing worse than some fat guy sitting in Loud City with a No. 35 jersey with "Stravinski" strapped across the back of it. News flash: You don't play for the team. Kevin Durant does - so wear his jersey."

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Neither did Gary Payton, Shawn Kemp, or Detlef Schrempf.

FOX NEWS TO-THE-MINUTE BREAKING MEGA-UPDATE: Reign Man Rain Man jerseys available now in the Thundershop! Bring your credit cards and poor judgment.

BILB: The And One Interview

I recently sat down with Carolyn from And One for an exclusive, no-holds-barred, Palin-esque interview of epic proportions.

I'm not usually in the habit of granting access to news outlets my wife doesn't own, but I decided to make a rare exception in this case. And if you haven't checked out And One yet, it means you've spent your entire life safely protected from the harsh light of reality by the Oklahoman's truth-filter, and i applaud you for that.

This is the only NBA interview you will need to read today, and likely, ever.

Consummate Maverick on facebook.

Note that I wasn't voted Mr. Congeniality of the PBC and have differed from members of my own ownership group when it comes to non-specific key issues, and as such, have authorized the preemptive use of eForce when it comes to building our coalition of the willing. I wasn't sure about the strategy/tactic, but I have to commend Clay for pioneering the Execublogger phenomena--- the surge is working. We've joined facebook and the fundamentals of our franchise have never been stronger. Now Thunder fans who have supported our storied franchise over the past 4 decades have a chance to join our eFamily through a medium never before seen. We look forward to your friendship.

Facepalm Of The Day

This is the non-lamest thing I've ever seen. I might be inclined to write something about it, but sometimes you can't top the original. There's a reason Tina Fey quotes Sarah Palin verbatim. Go read that if you have a high tolerance for awesome.

Get over it John Hollinger!

John Hollinger's Team Forecast for the Thunder is pretty bleak.

"The Oklahoma City Thunder. Ugh. Pardon me while I thwack myself in the head a few times."

He also preempted my weather-related pun, which I'm pretty peeved about. In addition to this dismal season preview, the Thunder is dead last in Marc Stein's Power Rankings. Could it be that ESPN is nothing more than a bunch of bitter Seattleites?

The question is, why does ESPN seem to think we won't be very good? Is it because we were a 20-62 team last year and didn't make any significant short-term improvements in the off-season? Is it because we have a gaping hole at center and no consistent outside shooting threat? C'mon guy, we picked up Desmond Mason. Does John Hollinger realize Desmond Mason is a hard-worker who plays the basketball the "right way"? Do they know he has a 40-megawatt smile and signs autographs for children?

I'll tell you what's going on here: Media Bias.

John Hollinger is as biased as they come. He invented something called the "Player Effeciency Rating" for analyzing statistical mumbo-jumbo and trying to look smart. Fans don't like number crunchers, JoHo--hold the phone--is he the same JoHo that hates America? I'm going with yes. So here we have an America-hating intellectual who bases analysis on statistical fact through some sort of scientific method of inquiry. In comparison, Darnell Mayberry would be a great person to have a beer with. Okay, maybe not Darnell, he has zero personality, but probably Berry Tramel. I think he was a wayward transient that wandered into the Oklahoman one day looking for a place to shower and realized he was just as informed as everyone else. So he's probably got some good stories.

I'm not the only one to notice this unfair treatment. Check out this roundtable at the Oklahoman (Sidenote: someone get Mike Sherman a dictionary):

What did I tell you, ESPN is only ranking the Thunder last because they're "mad" at them. Get over it already, John Hollinger!

So in conclusion:

1. Seattle fans and JoHo need to stop whining.
2. Media outlets like ESPN need to stop picking on Oklahoma City because it's NO FAIR.

Besides, we may lose a lot of games this season, but I promise you this: If we go down, we'll go down smurfing: