Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Get your "Rivalry Pack" today!


Darnell Mayberry, The Oklahoman's diminutive NBA beat writer, alerted fans today of eight-game ticket packages on sale now. Among the packages is the coveted "Rivalry Pack":

The "Rivalry Pack” features games against Atlanta on Nov. 9; Cleveland on Dec. 21; Denver on Jan. 2; Utah on Jan. 14; Sacramento on Feb. 8; New Orleans on Feb. 17; San Antonio on March 16; and Portland on April 3.
Since the Thunder has never played any one of these basketball teams, I'm guessing by "rivalry" we're still referring to Portland. Many a Northwest basketball fan was dismayed by the fact that the revered "I-5 Rivalry" would be no more. Chin up, hippies! Evidently the rivalry lives on!

The Portland Trailblazers and Oklahoma City Thunder will continue to duke it out for Northwest* supremacy, but perhaps we need to give this series a new name. We could call it the "I-84 to I-80 to I-25 to I-70 to I-35" Rivalry. Or maybe the "Google Maps Cup". That has a nice ring to it.

There's nothing like artificial significance and manufactured history straight from the marketing department to energize the Thunder faithful. God I hate those Portlanders!

I'm sure most Thunder fans can't wait to make the quick 1,920 mile, 28 hour drive to Portland this year. It's tradition. But fans will have to be patient, because Portland won't host their bitter division foe until February 11. Weird how that worked out. And all you history buffs should refrain from wearing your Thunder throwbacks this year, because it's possible they're already doing that.

*Note: Many Pacific Northwesterners have complained that the NBA is taking away all their basketball teams (i.e. Seattle, Vancouver). This is wrong. The Great Northwest still has Portland, Utah, Denver, Minnesota and Oklahoma City.




23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, the Northwest is comprised of Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and sometimes B.C. People in the Midwest and on the East Coast seem to struggle with this.

So yes, there is only one NBA team in the Northwest now.

Anonymous said...

Careful, you might be taxing this poor guy's brain with facts on geography. Douches like things simple and easy to understand.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you flatter yourself.

BTW: Be careful who you invite to Portland from Oklahoma. Like so many Cuban refugees, it's hard to imagine any of them will want to return.

Of course, finding Portland will require some math and navigation skills, so not to worry....

Anonymous said...

What rivalry? I am from Portland and could a rusty f*** about how the OKC Butt Thunder do this year or any year.
When Seattle gets a team back, they will once again be our rivals.
Have fun when Durants contract year comes up and he bolts the h*ll out of that place.
With love,
The Hippies

Anonymous said...

Also...those of us in the NW well know what Bennett likes to bend. So far, using his left hand hasn't helped.

The Ben Man said...

I'm more than happy to consider the Thunder as the Blazers' rival. This is year one of the OKC curse that will inform despotic owners in the future of what woe will befall a team stolen from its rightful city. Your team is hot property and your knowledge of this makes you complicit in the crime, like buying a stolen TV from a dude on a bike.

Anonymous said...

not even close with understanding which states constitute the NW... wow, Elitist midwest bloggers, thinking their double-wide is the only important place in this nation. Ever even left your park to see the rest of the country? you know, this country isn't only made up of dust and fist sized bugs like i'm sure you fancy pants midwesterners are led to believe! you and your elite natty ice and caterpillar net hats, think you're god's gift to man! you and your junior high education, thinkin you're better than me! just because i don't have corn don't mean i don't got no heart! one of these days, the west and east coasts will mean something and you'll be forced to pay attention to us!

sincerely,
people that live places where livestock DO NOT outnumber humans...

Anonymous said...

He just forgot to use the sarcasm font, folks. Don't be so literal!

Anonymous said...

As a Blazer fan, I think people are missing the sarcasm in this piece. though the sarcasm is premised on the supposed Blazer-Sonics rivalry. To be honest, Portland fans never really cared about that "rivalry". We were much more interested in beating L.A. As the two teams (Seattle and Portland) were never ascendent at the same time, there really wasn't a rivalry.

Anonymous said...

As a born-and-bred Oregonian, please let me apologize for the lack of intelligence my fellow Northwesterners have shown in their comments. Please believe me when I tell you there are those of us who get sarcasm. I feel your piece was well written and well received.

To those who posted hate comments:

Knee jerk reactions have been known to cause cramping. Use Caution.

Johnny Whoha said...

I am not sure what is more hilarious, this blog or the comments.

Do you all think Stephen Colbert is real to?

Good job Nor'westers! And I thought the people in Socal were oblivious...

Anonymous said...

Agreed. Some people just don't get sarcasm. This is a very funny post.

Macrovox said...

No see... it's not that they're dense. They're buying into it! So what if its marketocracy at work? Doesn't matter. If the okee's want to be our reivals, we'll take that at face value. You see, there's soemthing going on here the rest of the nation doesn't understand. Portland has lived in Seattle's shadow for a long time. Now all of a sudden, in NBA circles, we have the bling and "big brother" is down on his luck. Our Seattle-envy has evolved into Seattle-sympathy, if if we can show big brother some love by taking the okee's out back and beating them within an inch of their lives, then maybe the Emerald City will give us some of the respect we've always desired. In other words, this is a FAMILY thing. OKC has been warned.

Macrovox said...

Er, um, yeah.... so apparently I am so blind with rivalrosity that I can't spell straight. Or maybe I'm a dirty smelly hippy who is too high to notice my own grammar. Whatever works for y'all.

Anonymous said...

Funny! And accurate! No, Portland never really had a rivalry with the Sonics, except in ads for ticket packages. The only rivalry OKC has is with Seattle, should it ever get a team. Try Charlotte: they suck, too, and nobody cares about them either.

MartzMimic said...

It is so good to see that there are still some people in Seattle with tears left to cry. The forums in the Times and PI have pretty well dried up.

Anonymous said...

Please don't visit this blog if you're not expecting a healthy dose of sarcasm. Sonics-Blazers was a rivalry, but hasn't meant anything since the 91 first round series. I won't be buying any 'zers gear, but I hope they wipe the floor with the "thunder" this year.

Anonymous said...

you guys(???) are way off. it takes less than 6 hours to drive from seattle to portland. i would obviously recommend flying btwn those parts and okc (or maybe you could grow some biogas, he he).

get lost, all y'all!!!

Ryan said...

10-72

Brad said...

lolz.

All kidding aside, I'm sure the fine, upstanding, livestock-buggering folk of Okieville are quite unaware of the league-wide scorn they will reap from the actions of the Bennet/Stern/Satan troika.

But don't underestimate their ability or willingness to make the long roadie up to Portland. After all, the "Natural Wonders of Oklahoma Scenic Drive" consists of The Great Ada Sinkhole then a three hour drive to Pawhuska Mtn. (el 950ft.).

So be sure to put a couple pickups on blocks and refrigerators with the doors off out in the parking lot of the Rose Garden come Feb 11, hippies. Make 'em feel at home.

Go Soonersonics!! Yeee-haw!

Samuel said...

Stein's '08-09 Power Rankings just went up today. Guess who is projected to finish last? Can't wait for those OKC fans to experience the joy that is Damien Wilkins chucking up contested jumpers in the 4th quarter of a blowout loss in March.

Jeremy said...

SHOUT OUT TO SONICS FANS

yeah we still exist

I just cannot believe the awesomeness of this site... too effing funny. Thanks a mil dear Claymate, please do not stop with the madness. We need it.

Cheers

Anonymous said...

Anyone who says that there is (was) no Sonics-Blazers rivalry is either a California transplant who has no interest in either team or a sports fan who never liked the NBA but likes the other major sports.