Monday, September 29, 2008

Smurf all over my smurfs.

Another day, another aesthetic triumph. The Thunder unveiled their new uniforms during Media Day yesterday to an overwhelmingly positive reception by the staff of the Oklahoman. I don't read any other news outlets, but I can only assume the rest of the nation was equally impressed. I know PJ Carlesimo was:

"Clay talked about respecting the heritage of the NBA by keeping it clean and classy. They did a good job."
Thanks PJ. If there's one job I do better than making logos, it's respecting the heritage of the NBA. I put a lot of deep, compassionate thinking into these uniforms; just listen to this peppy blonde chick interview the Oklahoman's resident style expert:

Did you hear that folks? That lady talked to a color expert, and the color expert told her that white is going to attract "a lot of attention." Holy shit I'm glad we thought of it then. Brace yourselves for a tidal wave of publicity, Thunder fans, white home unis have arrived.

Now on to the road unis. I think the offical name for the color is "Expansion Team Blue". She kinda lost me for a minute there because I'm no color expert myself, and the discussion becomes very dense and theoretical, but I'll try to break it down. Blue is 'dependable' like the sky, because the sky won't fall, even though sometimes times get tough, and also it's very loyal. That's so weird because whenever I think about this franchise, "stability" and "loyalty" are the two words I think of. But also blue is "powerful" like a bright blue Oklahoma sky with fluffy white nimbus clouds where some of them look like animals, and so you're feeling all loyal and stable and then suddenly you see the red-orange trim and you're energized. You're fuckin' psyched right now. Oh but wait, there's also yellow trim, so mostly you're just energized about how nice and friendly everyone is in Oklahoma City, and you're thinking about picnics and clouds and how much positive energy that blonde chick in the yellow shirt had, and yeah she stumbled over her words in the beginning but she seems totally cool and reminds you of that popular girl in high school who still talked to the ugly chicks, and maybe you guys could hang out sometime and talk color theory. Just take things slow. But then Kevin Durant fucking dunks on your head.

And so it was that Media Day finally answered the question on everyone's mind, which was apparently:

'What would happen if Papa Smurf banged Rainbow Brite?'

So you can all go home now, unless you want to stick around and listen to Darnell Mayberry ask Robert Swift what all of his tattoos mean. Probably a one-man job, though. Hey, everybody loved those teal Pistons jerseys right?


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chunkstyle23 said...

I can tell that that fashion expert knows what she's talking about, because I saw her outfit on the full price rack at Sears, not the sale rack, so you know she's definitely cutting edge of this season. I mean, no way you come up with technical jargon like that unless you got your AA in fashion or retail merchandising.

Anonymous said...

This blog continues to be the best in the NBA. The commentary is golden.

Keep making great stories like this, and I'll keep coming back to read them...

Anonymous said...

Those uniforms are an insult to Smurfs, and anything else that's blue.

Anonymous said...

great website, the durant line had me cracking up

Anonymous said...

You have GOT to be the single biggest loser on the Internet, congratulations!

Instead of moving on with your pathetic, little life, you have chosen to be bitterly obsessed with the team you no longer have.

Move on and stop being a loser.


Peen said...

I have been stopping by this blog for a couple weeks. I can't get enough. Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

Just so you know I have created a facebook group devoted to worshipping your effort here.

Claymate said...

You are a true patriot.