I heard about this website from today's Jenni Carlson video commentary, which is my primary source of news. I like to start my day by brewing a hot cup of Folgers, reciting the pledge of allegiance and seeing what Jenni Carlson has to say about hot dogs or thumbtacks or whatever happens to be on her mind. I swear to God that chick has nothing to do with herself. Here we are, in the middle of an economic meltdown, with newspapers becoming more obsolete by the second, and Jenni Carlson is using thousands of dollars worth of equipment to read her diary to nobody. Maybe my wife could save some cash by giving her a webcam and a youtube account.
But anyway, over 10,000 people have cursed the Thunder so far. I'm guessing it's the work of Seattleites and their hippie voodoo. Wikipedia shows that Seattle's religious makeup is split pretty evenly between Wiccan and Pagan. Okay fine, it doesn't, but that's only because I couldn't figure out how to use Wikipedia.
His holiness himself was on hand tonight for the Thunder's debut loss, and he had nothing but the highest praise for Kansas City Oklahoma City:
I admit it's pretty hard to keep track. I guess (O)KC's super-awesomeness just left an indelible impression on him. That or he's already laying the rhetorical groundwork for the next Ford Center remodel. God he's a genius.
After some five full days of voting, the results of LA Ball Talk's poll are in. The fans have spoken, and Bend It Like Bennett has once again been crowned the Best Thunder Blog on the internet.
I wish I could say I was surprised. BILB will be given a permanent link on LABallTalk.com so all those Kobe-jockers can come get a heavy dose of radiant truth on a daily basis. If you're wondering, Darnell Mayberry finished 7th of 8, two spots behind a blog that's posted precisely once since September 11th, and has evidently given up on life. We wish both of them the best of luck.
I'd like to take a moment to sincerely thank all the BILB fans that voted, and also shamelessly pander to all the consumers in Oklahoma City who heroically tax themselves to buy stadiums for billionaire charlatans like myself, from which they will see no profits. You're the true visionaries here. And don't worry, that $100 million upgrade to paint the bathrooms and add more space for corporate circle-jerks will never require more public financing.
And special thanks goes to the BILB supporter that beat some sense into this chubby white Blue Blitz fan. Good work.
Since Mr. Monday has been granted unfettered access to BiLB without having every article/blog/opinion critiqued first by the Oklahoman management, Mr. Monday would like to take advantage of this opportunity and introduce a new weekly segment called ‘Monday’s Musing.’ Essentially, all you Okies now have unfiltered wisdom to take with you to the water-cooler. You’re welcome, squares.
Where o' Where is our Dunleavy Jr? Larry Legend’s “professional imprisonment” of Jamaal ‘Dust-Pan’ Tinsley shows why he’s without question the greatest GM in NBA history. He continues to gut the once thuggish-ruggish Pacers, building a team of good role models and exceptional citizens. Larry has spat in the face of success, profits, and exciting basketball, demonstrating a commitment to jump-stops, proper pivoting, and the triple-threat, things only real Americans will appreciate. Mr. Presti, take notes.
How are Fat Girls like Mopeds? They’re fun to ride but you don’t want your friends to find out…or your boss…or the media.
We Are Not the Same, I am a Martian Apparently Cassell doesn’t need no practice or preseason to hobble around and collect championships. Don’t be salty Smiling Gabe.
Prescription Pills—God's Greatest Gift since Jesus Throwing one of my 12 daughters under a moving vehicle always helps Mr. Monday sleep better too, Zeke.
Where’s my Shovel? Bury the Rogue and let the betting begin. Deep pockets and an even shorter memory—Do not question the David.
Run n Gun Randolph Why the Knicks would want to trade the Baby-Fat Assassin is beyond Mr. Monday. It seems like Randolph would be ideal for D’Antoni’s 7 sec or less offense.
Mr. Monday is an irreverent wit and anonymous foe to those he deems fit. When he's not busy annointing hippies "leafy-green" or "hybrid-driving, carpooling, mountain-climbers", he splits his time between the oklahoman and BiLB to keep those outside the truth filter in check. To read his oklahoman archive, pay a visit to blog.newsok.com/mrmonday, or refer here to his newest home in the blogosphere for the wry and the whimsical.
Although it's been well documented by the Oklahoman that the Sonics never actually had any fans, there may be one or two eco-terrorists up in Seattle that are still pining for NBA basketball. Fortunately for them, The David understands:
"We understand the fans and their anger, frustration, depression."
He then immediately proceeded to show the extent of this understanding:
"You know, we have something over 900 games available on NBA League Pass, either on cable or satellite, and potentially broadband and NBA TV where we have four games a week," he said. "So there's a lot out there in terms of content and a lot of an ability to follow our league. If they are so inclined, then we certainly invite them and welcome them."
Oh, well then, problem solved. What a generous offer and entirely noble gesture. "Even though I orchestrated the heist of your 41-year franchise, I still welcome you to give me your money." I'm sure Sonics fans everywhere can't wait to take you up on that.
Please do your patriotic duty today and go vote for Bend it Like Bennett for best Thunder Blog in LA Ball Talk's every-team poll. If this were a popularity contest we would win. Fortunately for the people, it’s a quality-of-blog contest in which our "competition" has already conceded. But apparently LA Ball Talk needs something to do, so let’s go ahead and indulge them. Here's how I described our blog:
"Bend It Like Bennett is the absolute gold standard for Thunder blogs, which is why Ball Don’t Lie’s Blog Association ranks us the number one Thunder blog on the web. The rest of the pack is in a heated seven-way tie for last.
Our fellow Thunderbloggers at Blue Blitz say BILB is “generally better, more popular, and more well-liked than our blog, Thunderworld, and ThunderGuru combined.” The Thunderworld calls us “The best Thunder blog - nay, best NBA - nay, best blog period on the Internet”. We are pleased, if not surprised, to have earned the respect and undying adoration of our colleagues.
We provide highly original content that goes above and beyond the busy work of amassing links to every Oklahoman article ever like some kind of paper shuffling mid-level corporate burnout—a task that could be done more effectively by a Google algorithm. We offer only the very best in insightful Thunder commentary, and will continue to delight our loyal readers until our business model is no longer profitable. We appreciate your blind support."
I think voters should have all available information at their disposal in order to make an informed decision. That's why I feel it's necessary to mention that Blue Blitz has known associations with terrorists of this nation and Thunderguru was raised in France by Islamofascist homosexual billionaires. The Thunderworlddoesn’t own a lapel pin of any kind and wants to mandate gay marriages for kindergarteners. Those are the facts.
Or if you want to throw your vote away, go ahead and vote for Thunder Rumblings.
If you're like me, you've heard lots of talk about the "Thunder Way". Our organization wants to win, but only if we win the Thunder Way. Winning any other way would be a complete waste of time. So what is the Thunder way? I have no earthly idea.
I know it involves Desmond Mason. I know it involves buzzwords like "character" and "hard work". Um, I know it involves dumping guys with character issues like devout Christian and small-town-everyman Luke Ridnour. And something about defense. I'm told Coach PJ preaches defense now. I guess defense-day must have been canceled for some reason last year in Seattle, because we gave up like 106.3 per game, but evidently this year he remembered. Great news.
After all, me and Presti come from the land of tough D and low ratings: San Antonio. This is great news for fans--we'll be like watching the slow-it-down, grind-it-out Spurs except without all the winning. We'll be like a cellar-dwelling, expansion San Antonio with ridiculous uniforms and no inside presence. Someone tell me why ESPN isn't televising all of our games.
But crafting a entirely new identity out of thin air is hard. Sometimes you've just got to go out there and steal some shit. Like your team, for instance. And now Warriors bloggers are all mad because we killed off their mascot (due to our "staggering lack of originality") and more or less ripped off their color scheme. Whatever. Get used to it. Here's my boy Berry Tramelon what should be on the front of our jerseys:
"I don't mind Oklahoma City, at least in the first few years of the franchise while the name gets established in the league. Eventually, OKC or, even better, "The City," would be fantastic."
What's up now Golden State? I'm telling you, originality is hard. Just ask the pride of the Oklahoman Jenni Carlson (yes, that Jenni Carlson):
Right. So maybe that's what happens when your entire culture is built upon trying to think up ways to rationalize theft, cronyism and extortion. It's the Thunder Way, bitches!
Posts
