Thursday, October 16, 2008

Putting the "Con" in "Conspiracy"

After reading and meticulously studying every line of the 133 page Pedowitz report, a few things are more clear to Mr. Monday than the heels found at Night Trips:

FACT: Rogue referee Tim Donaghy bet on about 14 games he personally officiated in the 2006-2007 season. He won these bets and made money off of the games but didn't alter his officiating based on his wagers and thus never harmed the integrity of the play on the court.

FACT: No other referees were involved and the outcomes of NBA games were never influenced by Rogue Donaghy or any other official.

FACT: NBA executives scrupulously examined the 17 games in question and found no foul play, leading the Pedowitz report to correctly conclude the same.

This leads Mr. Monday to one obvious conclusion: the NBA rightfully found in favor of itself. Once again David Stern is correct and all the guano crazy conspiracy theorists can finally die of their self-inflicted histoplasmosis. As we all know, issues like this are best kept and handled within the family. The Feds will always try to put their hands down every American’s son and/or daughter’s pants, but the NBA doesn’t put up with this type of perverted communist agenda.

“But Mr. Monday, what about the big-money gamblers who won 15 of 15 times on his games?’ and “What about the ten games refereed by Scott Foster where the big-money gamblers won a perfect 10 of 10 times?” Mr. Monday doesn’t believe in luck but he does believe in destiny. And destiny trumps coincidence every time. Look, when my Granny Agnus comes home from bingo with a new 1998 edition of the King James Bible does Mr. Monday suspect Granny had inside cohorts telling her which card to pick? No chance.

Just remember, you don’t have to be faster than the bear, just faster than the guy you’re with. Game, match, set the NBA.
Mr. Monday is an irreverent wit and anonymous foe to those he deems fit. When he's not busy annointing hippies "leafy-green" or "hybrid-driving, carpooling, mountain-climbers", he splits his time between the oklahoman and BiLB to keep those outside the truth filter in check. To read his oklahoman archive, pay a visit to, or refer here to his newest home in the blogosphere for the wry and the whimsical.


The David said...
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The David said...

You're telling me that you didn't realize all this until after "meticulously studying"? This stuff is as plain as the nose on my face. Pedowitz just wrote it down the way I explained it to him.

If you people would listen to what I tell you from the beginning without all the unnecessary thinking for yourselves, we wouldn't have to fart around with all this nonsense and we could get on with more important matters like getting some of the other owners new arenas.

So, just in case anyone else hasn't been paying attention, let me spell out for you everything you need to know. Two points:

1. Donaghy is a scoundrel who has significantly damaged the NBA and needs to be held accountable.

2. The NBA has not been damaged by any of this, and no one should question that in the least.

That's it. Now everyone get back to work.

The David