Friday, October 10, 2008

Honoring the "Rain Man" and OKC's NBA history.

The Thunderworld recently wrote a feature called “5 Burning Questions” about the upcoming season. The author, Royce, mentions the Thunder v. Blazers as one of five “can’t miss” games because, of course, they are our “interim rival”. He must be a BilB reader.

But that wasn’t the best part. Here’s burning question number five: “If I’m going to buy a jersey, who’s should I get?” His answer is a real kick in the balls:

“I've told friends I'm getting a custom Thunder Gary Payton #20 jersey or a Rain Man, Shawn Kemp #40 uni, but the price is pretty hefty. Maybe I could get a discount if I just got a Detlef Schrempf #11."
Wow, friend, just wow. The balls on this guy. I’m simply stunned by the sheer audacity and brilliance of that suggestion. I mean, this is an avenue of profit even I never considered (and I have no moral compass): jerseys of players who have zero relevance to your city and team, who actively worked against the team ever setting foot in your town, who spoke at rallies against your ownership group, who would vomit with rage at the sight of such a customized abomination, and who in all likelihood would instantly despise you should they ever see you wearing it. A walking, stitched-mesh oxymoron. Rocking that thing would be enough to cause real fans to fucking blow their brains out on sight. Or dive under riding lawn mowers. You’d be “The Happening” only in real life. You’d be a walking M. Night Shyamalan box office career-ender. I say go for it.

But why stop there? Why not just get a Thunder Kobe jersey? Or a Thunder Peyton Manning jersey? Or Gwen Stefani? Why not just customize the front to say Real Madrid and put “Ross Gellar from Friends” on the back? Why not go door-to-door through Seattle and personally dick-slap everyone you meet?
"Just one thing to make sure of: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get a custom jersey with your name on the back. There is nothing worse than some fat guy sitting in Loud City with a No. 35 jersey with "Stravinski" strapped across the back of it. News flash: You don't play for the team. Kevin Durant does - so wear his jersey."
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Neither did Gary Payton, Shawn Kemp, or Detlef Schrempf.

FOX NEWS TO-THE-MINUTE BREAKING MEGA-UPDATE: Reign Man Rain Man jerseys available now in the Thundershop! Bring your credit cards and poor judgment.


Mr Baker said...

Nothing like a jumbo moron in smurf-blue jersey not understanding that he swiped somebody else's trash, leftovers from a past, a party, from a dozen years ago.

I had to warn transplant Denver Bronco fans to not wear their football swag in Seattle for a while, so they are not mistaken for Thunder fans, and suffer a savage beating, not that they do not deserve it, but people should know who they are sending to the pavement and why.
Fair is fair.

Good writing, take the whole fucking to its most absurd ends.

I may have to have to drop by as a "Seattle troll" with missplaced emotion and broken logic so the Thunder fans get used to being a big league city with a shifty team A.S.A.P.

Anonymous said...

Claymate, I do so love you!

-Seattle, WA

Samuel said...

This blog is the only positive result of the Sonics relocation. Keep the posts coming.

Anonymous said...

The best thing about this whole thing is that no matter how hard you try, your blog will always be missing something thethunderworld and every other Thunder blog has -- a basketball team to talk about.

Have fun taking shots at other bloggers. I'm sure Barry appreciates the break.

-Dollar Beal

p.s. remember how the Sonics are dead? Like never to be back ever again?

Scott K said...

Actually, anonymous, this site does have a basketball team to talk about- the OKC Blunder. Just like those other blogs you mentioned.

I understand that being a moron may make it difficult for you to make simple connections like that, but don't worry, the Blunder ownership are morons too so I'm sure you'll all get along fine.

Anonymous said...

Actually, Scott K., the Blunder isn't a team, but that's okay. If you can't call them by their name, then you can't claim that this blog talks about a real basketball team. Also, I'm from Dallas, I'm not a Thunder fan, I'm just sick of morons.

Second of all, you know this blog doesn't "talk" about anything in the way those Thunder blogs talk about their team. This blog just mocks the ownership and OKC media. At least that makes sense, because because of Bennett's connection with the Oklahoman.

But if you want to say that this blog actually discusses the THUNDER, then your point is pretty counterproductive. The whole point of this blog is to be sarcastic, mocking and demeaning. Whenever this blog undermines the players on this team, they're undermining those players who were on the SONICS. Which is a great representation for those loyal and dedicated fans who are still so upset about the loss of their team that they have to write blogs about it months later.

Seattle teams are still a joke. Go Seahawks.

Bear man.

Scrub said...

Anon said, "Actually, Scott K., the Blunder isn't a team, but that's okay. If you can't call them by their name, then you can't claim that this blog talks about a real basketball team . . ."

Hey Claymate, is it possible to put the "ironclad logic" tag on a comment? There some real syllogistic wizardry in that post.

Mr Baker said...

"I'm just sick of morons" had me laughing, that's classic.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you had a laugh baker. It was probably well deserved since you guys have been crying for MONTHS over this situation.

Let me say this again so you guys can finally understand: I AM NOT A THUNDER FAN. In fact, I think the way Bennett and the NBA handled this whole situation WAS a bit shady. If I were in Seattle, I would have been a bit upset too. I also would have been over it by now.

Enough is enough. Your complaining has made the average sports fan lose all sympathy for you. You're now widely considered the most annoying, whiniest, and lamest sports fans in America.

I know I was mocking you when I talked about the Seahawks and Mariners, but seriously, cheer them on or SOMETHING. Find SOME way to enjoy sports instead of spending your lives complaining about something that happened MONTHS ago. You're just embarrassing yourselves.

And now I'm done. I don't have anything else to say. Have fun ignoring the points I've made that you know are true and picking out parts of this comment to make fun of. Stay in your little bitter Seattle bubble and ignore the outside world's perception of you.

I know you will.

-Mr. Bear Esquire III

Claymate said...

Mr. Bear raises some excellent points. It is not okay to criticize players on your own team; only blind hero worship is permissable for a real fan.

And all you Seattle fans need to move on already. Yes the team was there for 41 years, but it's already been 2 MONTHS. And Oklahoma is the lone place on Earth where a plurality of people would get over the loss of their favorite team in just 1-2 years:

We're a resilient bunch.

Although I guess that still leaves you with 10-22 more months, so carry on.

Mr Baker said...

Finding fault in fans for fighting for what was sold to them as "their team" for 41 years is an interesting point of view to hold, Mr. Bear.

I have moved on, I have a little blog I use to follow the path of rebuilding Key Arena, and supporting the efforts of people like Gary Payton and Steve Ballmer to find an anchor tenant for the building in the form of some other city's NBA team. I do not give a ratsass if the NBA returns, thanks Clay, I want the lights on in the arena, and suckers from out of town paying sales tax.
I'm sure they, like me, will find people like you refreshing.

If you are missing the humor in the benditlikebennett blog then maybe, just maybe, it just isn't for you. Move on. Wow, telling other people to move on is refreshing, thanks, Mr. Bear, though I know you said you are going to ignore this, I know that I have written it.

Anonymous said...

I said I was done, but I do have one more thing.

This is the first time I've been to this blog, and I do find most of it pretty entertaining. I actually laughed out loud at the line about "Ross Gellar from Friends" on the back of the jersey.

I just think this particular post was pretty unnecessary, which probably made me overreact intially. I know you guys don't, and that's fine. And actually, mr baker, I'm glad to hear about the blog about making improvements to Key Arena, that's good stuff.

One last thing, Clay. Moving on doesn't mean that you aren't still upset about not losing the team you've had for 41 years, it means stop complaining when nothing is going to happen. Just wanted to clarify.

If nothing else, you probably got a new reader out of this, whether you want one or not. I appreciate good satirical writing anytime, whether or not I approve of the topic.

Now I'm done.

-Grandfather Bear

Claymate said...

"it means stop complaining when nothing is going to happen. Just wanted to clarify."

Consider your thoughts not clarified. What isn't going to happen?

If you stumble upon something in the wide expanse of the internet you consider unnecessary, I'm sure you wouldn't be the first. I'd suggest moving on to another site.

Anonymous said...

I told you what is going to happen: NOTHING. I don't understand why that wasn't clarified.

If your goal was to entertain people with this blog, then consider it more than accomplished. Check it off the list and keep up the good work. I hope that's the case.

But if you had ANY other motives, any at all, you're wasting your time, effort, and talent. You will accomplish nothing else, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

And I will move on to another site, once I've said what I want to say here. I'm not the first person that's found something on the internet unnecessary, and I'm not the first person to make comments about how unnecessary I think something is. That's the whole reason that there is a feature on these blogs that allows people to leave comments. Your blog wouldn't be nearly as entertaining if EVERYONE on here worshipped you, would it?


Scott K said...

Just because nothing is going to happen is never a legitimate reason to stop making noise.

2000 plus people continually raising a point, complaining about a point or talking about a point is more likely to achieve something no matter how small than 15000 people sitting on their hands thinking 'it doesn't matter what I say because nothing will ever happen', because sitting on your hands is guaranteed to never make anything happen.

Guaranteed that the amount of noise that has been made by and continues to be made by Seattle Sonics fans over this debacle will have a better chance of affecting the outcome of whatever fanbase loses their team to a rich git that will gladly take your money whilst kicking you to the curb. And it will happen again.

Claymate said...

"But if you had ANY other motives, any at all, you're wasting your time, effort, and talent. You will accomplish nothing else, which isn't necessarily a bad thing."

Why won't you just go ahead and be explicit with what you're trying to say? Since you're making me guess, it seems like you're suggesting that I think operating this site will somehow get the NBA to grant me (another) team.

Thanks for your insight--I was under the impression David Stern has the blog in his favorites and turns my posts into NBA policy.

Of course, it's a moot point because I already have a team. Thunder on.

Scrub said...

Claymate said, "it seems like you're suggesting that I think operating this site will somehow get the NBA to grant me (another) team."

You're getting another team, Claymate? Sweet!

Is the David going to let you pick the one you want? I suggest the Raptors! Those welfare-lovin', beer-swillin' socialists up there don't have the capacity to appreciate an all-american sport like basketball. The Raptors need to be liberated, and you and the David are the men to do it.

Are you bringing them to OKC, or do you have a vacation home somewhere you'd like to watch some ball, too?

I'd suggest possible names or logo ideas, but I know I can't complete with your brilliance in those areas. After you came up with "Thunder" your first time out, and a primary blue, orange, and yellow color combination . . . I can't wait to see what you do for an encore!

Thanks for everything you do, Claymate. What the NBA -- nay, the WORLD -- needs is more "men possessed" like you.

It's an honor to write to you,


Anonymous said...

"If you stumble upon something in the wide expanse of the internet you consider unnecessary, I'm sure you wouldn't be the first. I'd suggest moving on to another site."

Isn't that what you should've done when you stumbled upon The Thunderworld's little feature? But then again, if you did, your whole operation would go under.

- Big Train

McC said...

"Big Train",

I find 99% of what the Thunderworld does unnecessary, which is why I never comment on it. But I think understanding basic facts about a team you claim to represent is mildly important. I also think common sense is a virtue. Perhaps you don't. Palin/McCain '08.

God bless you and God bless this beautiful experiment we call America,